Sharing Passwords
Kitty and I were having a heated discussion the other day about the sharing of passwords.
It all started when I mentioned something about a picture on Facebook and she wanted to see it. Since she didn't have an account she asked for my login. Now this is where it gets dicey - I refused. I don't give out my passwords to anyone. It's not even a matter of the information that I care about. I would be totally fine with me logging into whichever of my accounts and then she can look at anything she wants.
I just don't like other people messing with my stuff. For example, logging into gmail logs you into gtalk as well and if someone started a conversation, and she didn't respond, they might think I'm rude. Or any other program where logging in and doing something might inadvertently affect the state of the program without me knowing about it (for example marking unread emails as read). An analogy I thought of is that it's like having a workshop or garage that is basically off limits to her. Except, since I'm a geek, in my case instead of a workshop, it's my online accounts.
Her argument was that it was a matter of trust. I don't trust her enough to give her my passwords. I don't think that's the case, since I don't really mind her looking through any of my accounts. If trust is a matter of content, then there's no problem for me, but if it's a matter of meddling, then it matters to me. To make matters worse, she had told me one of her passwords in the past. Way back, I got her password to Xanga so that I could log in to post a comment. I have to admit, I hate Xanga (too restrictive), and I was not about to go get an account from them just to post comments. I don't understand why Xanga's so popular, it's almost as bad as myspace, but I digress.
Maybe I'm biased, because I had a bad experience with sharing passwords. I used to share a locker for working out and we happened to use my combination lock (that I had had for >10 years, since middle school). One day, I shared my locker combo with my workout partner. That very same day I lost my lock. Probably had something about not following a routine of unlocking the locker and snapping my lock onto my backpack right away. Anway, I had to get a new lock, and I'm still learning the combo to that one.
Maybe I'll change my mind 20 years from now, but for now that's my opinion. I finally convinced Kitty to get her own facebook account (yay! finally!), since it made the most sense in this situation.
Anyway, what do you think about this topic? For those couples out there, what do you do? And for you single people, what will you do when you meet someone? Does the length of time you're with someone matter? (Kitty and I have been together for 4.5 years and we don't share passwords, but my parents who've been together a much longer time share passwords) Eventually, you'll share things like bank account passwords when you're married, so does being married make a difference? Anyway, leave comments and let me know if I'm anal.
It all started when I mentioned something about a picture on Facebook and she wanted to see it. Since she didn't have an account she asked for my login. Now this is where it gets dicey - I refused. I don't give out my passwords to anyone. It's not even a matter of the information that I care about. I would be totally fine with me logging into whichever of my accounts and then she can look at anything she wants.
I just don't like other people messing with my stuff. For example, logging into gmail logs you into gtalk as well and if someone started a conversation, and she didn't respond, they might think I'm rude. Or any other program where logging in and doing something might inadvertently affect the state of the program without me knowing about it (for example marking unread emails as read). An analogy I thought of is that it's like having a workshop or garage that is basically off limits to her. Except, since I'm a geek, in my case instead of a workshop, it's my online accounts.
Her argument was that it was a matter of trust. I don't trust her enough to give her my passwords. I don't think that's the case, since I don't really mind her looking through any of my accounts. If trust is a matter of content, then there's no problem for me, but if it's a matter of meddling, then it matters to me. To make matters worse, she had told me one of her passwords in the past. Way back, I got her password to Xanga so that I could log in to post a comment. I have to admit, I hate Xanga (too restrictive), and I was not about to go get an account from them just to post comments. I don't understand why Xanga's so popular, it's almost as bad as myspace, but I digress.
Maybe I'm biased, because I had a bad experience with sharing passwords. I used to share a locker for working out and we happened to use my combination lock (that I had had for >10 years, since middle school). One day, I shared my locker combo with my workout partner. That very same day I lost my lock. Probably had something about not following a routine of unlocking the locker and snapping my lock onto my backpack right away. Anway, I had to get a new lock, and I'm still learning the combo to that one.
Maybe I'll change my mind 20 years from now, but for now that's my opinion. I finally convinced Kitty to get her own facebook account (yay! finally!), since it made the most sense in this situation.
Anyway, what do you think about this topic? For those couples out there, what do you do? And for you single people, what will you do when you meet someone? Does the length of time you're with someone matter? (Kitty and I have been together for 4.5 years and we don't share passwords, but my parents who've been together a much longer time share passwords) Eventually, you'll share things like bank account passwords when you're married, so does being married make a difference? Anyway, leave comments and let me know if I'm anal.
Labels: passwords, relationships, trust
posted by Nelson at 11:52 PM
16 Comments:
You're definitely not being anal. Your passwords are yours, and only yours until you feel you're ready to share. And that only happens after YEARS of marriage imo.
I'm starting to think it's a guy thing, or maybe a male engineer thing. Mike refuses to tell me the password to his computer, for example. He would rather create a new account for me, yet he has full access to mine.
For him, it's also more about meddling than lack of trust. Like I might mess up his computer or something. Like I don't have the root password to mr server either...
I have all my parents' email and bank passwords, so I think being "family" has more to do with it than how many years you have been together.
My thoughts:
Well, there's the whole "persona" thing, if I give you my password, then my persona is not necessary consistent. So this could be fb, IM, email, whatever. Someone who has your password could say stuff to someone else, and then when it comes back to you; you're like WTF I didn't say that??
Then there's the privacy thing, everyone needs their own private place -- and this has nothing to do with hiding stuff from your SO. Or think about how hard it would be to prepare surprises without private email...
Also, sometimes you need to not share stuff just because it is a pain in the ass to deal with. Kind of how like you don't share stuff with your manager because you know it will just come back to you to do it, so you might as well do it yourself. I think stuff like affairs over email would fall into this category too; although that's being untrustworthy too ;)
Anyways, to stop ranting, I haven't shared passwords for things that my identity is tied to, like fb, email. Is it a big deal if I do, I don't think it would be. I know a bunch of Pauline's passwords, but usually it's for accounts that I can do "chores" in...i.e. fix this, setup that, etc
But I think the universal reason why people don't want to share passwords is fear of being snooped on.
Also, coincidently, fb has a blog about sharing your passwords today: http://blog.facebook.com/blog.php?post=2240687130
Also, about the computer thing that Maggie mentioned, I would do the same thing...but because I would be pissed off if all my settings and what not were changed -- which I guess is meddling?
I've completely shared passwords, social security numbers, credit card numbers etc. with a significant other and vice versa. I don't see what the big deal is, meddling and trust are related no? You have to trust them not to meddle and change your settings too.
Maybe you guys see it differently since it's an extention of your work as well? I can understand work stuff being off-limits due to a degree of professionalism.
it's interesting how all the girls are so unsuspecting, sharing passwords and accounts and guys wont share the same information...maybe it's a territorial thing...good thing they're not peeing all over their possessions...
enlight of all those comments, u guys are forgetting the main point...it was over a facebook acct!!!..not bank acct, not SIN number...and over a stupid photo! and honestly how private is facebook when wat u do is posted online? email i understand...
"Honey, I'm only going to say this once. I can't give you my password. But you must understand, I do this out of love. I love you. And if I give you the password, then I'd have to kill you. It's so simple. Now, for the last time, would you pass the salt?"
haha...and i'm sure u took the words right out of Nelson's mouth eh?
I see it more as a responsibility thing. I would not ask for someone else's password nor would I give out my password just because if anything should happen, then only the person with access (e.g. me) would be responsible. So along that line, I want to limit my liability by not having access to their private account. (Why complicate things :/) Then again, ppl call me paranoid :D
-KM
Hey Keith, can I borrow your WoW password, I want to try it out and see if I should play. I promise I will sell your weapons and armor
I really like ^ that ^
Trust ~ Respect ~ Responsibility ~ Autonomy
Sigh!!
Kitty, we're on the same boat on this issue. But though 6.5 years of experience, I have realized that it's a lost battle.
All in all, it's not a trust thing, but a guy (geek) thing. Nels is right in that his computer/web accounts etc, is his "workshop", aka LIFE! They can't handle being exposed. It's not that they are trying to hide anything, they can't handle the feeling of not having control over what happens to their "life." Besides, considering how important their virtual identity is, there's a lot of pressure not to screw up when we randomly click out of interest. I seriously don't want to tell him I've accidentally deleted some files from way back.
Kev knows pretty much all my passwords. Actually, I think he knows ALL of them, and it didn't take my very long to tell him. But at the same time I don't spend my whole entire life in front of a computer monitor.
HAHAHAHA
geez its just a facebook account...see i told ya earlier u should have just signed up an account for kitty...lemme go on now and add her...
neways...wow i didn't know u guys argue....HAHA
george costanza doesn't share passwords and neither do I.
Keep up the good fight Nelson.
Would you let your SO listen in on your private phone conversations? Or, if you both recorded all your phone conversations, would you give the other person access to those archives?
Same deal with Facebook, email, IM logs, etc.
Jeff
You're anal :)
Chris
Post a Comment
<< Home